Turf War-It's Not Easy Being Green

On The Light Side of Gardening:

Turf War-It's Not Easy Being Green

By Linda Lockhart

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, goes the old saying. In my case, the grass is greener across the street.

My neighbor's lawn is green-really green. Not long ago, I thought to myself, "You're a Master Gardener. Why doesn't your lawn look like that?" So began my quest for the picture-perfect lawn. I would consider the environment when taking care of my lawn, and it would be a lawn to envy.

First, I read all the information I could get on lawn care from the Extension office. Armed with lots of information, I went to the garden center to purchase the tools and lawn care products necessary to achieve Camelot.

When spring came, my lawn began to improve, but it still did not measure up to Mr. Green Thumb's golf course across the street. I finally decided his secret to green must be water. Mr. Green Thumb had a sprinkler system, while I only had a hose. I saved my money and invested in a sprinkler system.

Every week my sprinkler went off faithfully, and I sat waiting hopefully. The sprinkler helped, but the lawn still was not just right, and I was running out of options. I had tried everything-except a new mower.

Off to the garden center again, this time to purchase a new mower. It was beautiful-a bright, shiny, self-propelled model with a composting blade. Perhaps this was the final secret to that perfect lawn.

I strutted back and forth across my lawn, relishing how perfect it cut. My satisfaction was short lived. I glanced over at Mr. Green Thumb's house, and there, in his driveway, was the mother of all mowers-a commercial-sized, spectacular lawn machine. Next to his mower, was an enormous lawn thatcher.

I would never be able to achieve his greatness. I would just have to settle for second best.

Then fate intervened. For days, it rained so hard that the gutters overflowed and some streets were impassable, but then the sun was out shining warmly, and the rain was a distant memory. Mr. Green Thumb decided to do some mid-winter yard work.

Bushes, up by his house, needed to be removed. He backed his pickup truck over his front lawn to hook a chain over the shrubs and pull them out. As he started to pull, his wheels began to spin. The hole he dug with those tires was deep and the truck would not move. Ultimately, he had to get a second truck to pull him out, thus making another set of ugly tire tracks in the lawn. The perfect lawn was ruined. The war was over. I had finally won! My yard was now the best on the block.

It was the best until two days later when I looked out my window at 11 o'clock at night to find the power company digging a huge hole in the center of what had been the ultimate lawn. Seems the neighbor's electricity had gone out and the problem was in my front yard.

Oh well, who wants a perfect yard anyway.

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Last updated: 05/20/2010